fickle and unfocused

“If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I’m leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you’ll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels.”

-mark (surprise, surprise) 8:38

When I get around a certain group of people, an urge to satisfy my flesh arises in me. I begin to gossip, make dirty jokes, laugh at things that break Gods heart, and basically disregard the Holy Spirit in my life. Almost like a light switch. I can almost turn my holiness "on" or "off."

I know this is wrong, and its hard for me to even admit this. But hey, we are all human, we are all fleshy, and although this doesn't make my sin right or justify it, at least I'm not alone right?

God know's my heart. I am truly hungry for Him, I desire his presence in my life and I am working to learn about Him. But when I get around people who are "fickle" and "unfocused" when it comes to their relationships with Christ, I become that way as well. This shouldn't be true about me, I DONT WANT THIS TO BE TRUE ABOUT ME!

I sit back at night in shame and guilt over some of the things I have said or done that could have been avoided by simply standing up to the people I am with. Its not like God is calling me to be an outcast or to be "sarah so sad" when I am around them, I can still have fun and I know it, I just need to learn what isn't fun in Gods eyes.

Some of my favorite memories and highlights of my life are when I got to enjoy true fellowship with my friends outside of "church" (blog on that later), totally spontaneous and natural conversations or worship with people I love. Why cant our daily relationships be honoring to God? I desire for my daily relationships to be focused on Christ and to honor Him.

The saddest part about this whole thing is that the people that I fall around, are mostly "believers" themselves. I'm not trying to deny their faith at all, or to question their morals. I'm just saying "IF I LOVE GOD, AND YOU LOVE GOD, AND HE IS HERE RIGHT NOW (HENCE THE HOLY SPIRIT) WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT HIM?" I don't want to keep my walk with Christ a secret, because Im not ashamed of it. My relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ should be filled with prayer and talks and service and coffee (dont all good christans love coffee?) not crude comments, slander, gossip, lies and filth.

I want more, I think we all do (the friends I have/company I keep) but no one wants to step it up .

It takes effort to turn from the flesh, its easy to stay cozy and comfortable, to satisfy your sin.

Because within my community of friends, its not that we are ashamed of Christ, its not that we "hide" the fact we are christians, its that we don't want to ask the tough questions, we don't want to take the time to commune with God, even though we already are, we are just communing with Him in a way that is disgusting to Him.

Im not asking for Christs "presence" in my relationships, because he is already there. Im asking for someone to want to Honor that presence with me.

I want people around me who wont be fickle and unfocused. I want people who will push me and challenge me.

I want/ need to be that for others.