crafts

I found the most amazing craft blog ever today.

I wish I had more time to create like I used to...

I also wish I had cute babies to sew cute clothes for because the clothes on that website kill me. :)

I love how I swore to blog more...but my stupid blog is a fail. I like tumbler better anyways.

freshman

I wish I could go back to my freshman year for just one day, so I could be friends with people I miss again. I wish I could be friends with the people they were- because the people they have become are so foreign to me and it breaks my heart. I wish that drugs and alcohol had never slipped into their lives and complicated things. I miss laying on warm concrete driveways on hot summer nights, feeling the rain pelt down on my skin as we laughed and talked about how we would never separate and be best friends for always. I want to bottle that innocence like sand in an hourglass and keep it for days like today, so I could give it back to her.

I was reading recently that love, true love is not loving people for who they were or who they can be, but for who they are presently, no matter if they ever change, change shouldn't even be in the lovers vocabulary. As I was thinking about why love tends to have an agenda, I thought that maybe its because we see love as an end point not a journey. We hope to eventually refine that person into someone worthy of our time and emotions, the end result being or twisted version of love. perfection.

Love isn't the end, it isn't perfection. It's wrong choices and hurt and heartache, it's giving and taking and using and learning and abuse, it's tears and hate and smiles, its drifting together and growing apart. Love is ebb and flow. Right now there are lots of situations and relationships where I really don't know what love is supposed to look like, I have been ignored and I have ignored. I have turned a blind eye to things that turned out to be a big deal because I was too bitter to care.

I want to love like my Jesus loved, even when it gets messy, even when I am tired and want to be alone, even when I will get nothing in return. I want a selfless, relentless love.

So as I sit here and think about the who my friends used to be, I can wish all I want that we could go back to the "good old days" and it wont happen, but even if my relationships could be magically restored, I don't know if I would want that, because I would learn nothing about Love, and that is what I really need most of all. I need to learn how to love with no reasons, with no rules, with no dreams of change.

all things new

Ahhh, where to begin?!?

So much has been going on in my life, and one of my new years resolutions (yes, I like them, however corny and cheesy people paint them to be) is to blog on a regular basis...so...hey blog, long time no see.

I started cosmetology school and I love it, God has continually blessed me and clearly had His sovereign hand on this situation. I'm so so so lucky to wake up every morning and be able to enjoy His plan for my life.

I have an amazing boyfriend who means the world to me and takes the best care of me, Im sure he will be the highlight in many of my coming days. I'm so curious as to what the Lord has for us, and I absolutely cant wait to see where He takes us.

My friend Amanda had her new baby boy, Presley (worlds cutest baby, and 3rd baby born in 2011) and I got to visit them tonight which was SO fun and relaxing. It's always breathtaking to hold something so fresh and new, to look onto it and dream.

me enjoying some time with presley

Right now, Im praying that God would surround me with solid christian friends (girlfriends in particular) which is a huge request but is much needed....

Over the last week I've started assembling a book collection that I cant wait to feast my eyes and heart upon (seriously SO excited)....first one is about the beattitudes...which I figured is a great way to start off a new year...

Thats just a super quick, very shallow update.

- sarah

fickle and unfocused

“If any of you are embarrassed over me and the way I’m leading you when you get around your fickle and unfocused friends, know that you’ll be an even greater embarrassment to the Son of Man when he arrives in all the splendor of God, his Father, with an army of the holy angels.”

-mark (surprise, surprise) 8:38

When I get around a certain group of people, an urge to satisfy my flesh arises in me. I begin to gossip, make dirty jokes, laugh at things that break Gods heart, and basically disregard the Holy Spirit in my life. Almost like a light switch. I can almost turn my holiness "on" or "off."

I know this is wrong, and its hard for me to even admit this. But hey, we are all human, we are all fleshy, and although this doesn't make my sin right or justify it, at least I'm not alone right?

God know's my heart. I am truly hungry for Him, I desire his presence in my life and I am working to learn about Him. But when I get around people who are "fickle" and "unfocused" when it comes to their relationships with Christ, I become that way as well. This shouldn't be true about me, I DONT WANT THIS TO BE TRUE ABOUT ME!

I sit back at night in shame and guilt over some of the things I have said or done that could have been avoided by simply standing up to the people I am with. Its not like God is calling me to be an outcast or to be "sarah so sad" when I am around them, I can still have fun and I know it, I just need to learn what isn't fun in Gods eyes.

Some of my favorite memories and highlights of my life are when I got to enjoy true fellowship with my friends outside of "church" (blog on that later), totally spontaneous and natural conversations or worship with people I love. Why cant our daily relationships be honoring to God? I desire for my daily relationships to be focused on Christ and to honor Him.

The saddest part about this whole thing is that the people that I fall around, are mostly "believers" themselves. I'm not trying to deny their faith at all, or to question their morals. I'm just saying "IF I LOVE GOD, AND YOU LOVE GOD, AND HE IS HERE RIGHT NOW (HENCE THE HOLY SPIRIT) WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT HIM?" I don't want to keep my walk with Christ a secret, because Im not ashamed of it. My relationships with my brothers and sisters in Christ should be filled with prayer and talks and service and coffee (dont all good christans love coffee?) not crude comments, slander, gossip, lies and filth.

I want more, I think we all do (the friends I have/company I keep) but no one wants to step it up .

It takes effort to turn from the flesh, its easy to stay cozy and comfortable, to satisfy your sin.

Because within my community of friends, its not that we are ashamed of Christ, its not that we "hide" the fact we are christians, its that we don't want to ask the tough questions, we don't want to take the time to commune with God, even though we already are, we are just communing with Him in a way that is disgusting to Him.

Im not asking for Christs "presence" in my relationships, because he is already there. Im asking for someone to want to Honor that presence with me.

I want people around me who wont be fickle and unfocused. I want people who will push me and challenge me.

I want/ need to be that for others.

my thoughts on mark 7:15

at bible study today we talked about mark 7:15, it hit home for me, just something to think about.

"It’s not what you swallow that pollutes your life; it’s what you vomit—that’s the real pollution"

thoughts:

1. we can control what comes into and out of us.

2. you cant blame your actions on your past or current situations.

3. you can choose to pollute the lives of others.

4. i always thought it was garbage in garbage out, but it doesnt have to be that way, but this isnt a get out of jail free card when it come to taking in sin.

5. this more applies to relationships, not visual intake (tv• internet• movies etc)

A. you can hang out with sinners and not become one.

a. woman at the well.

6. not only is it OK to hang out with sinners its something we should practice

A. this is followed by the story of Jesus healing the womans daughter after she realizes that Jesus is here to not only "feed the children but also the dogs"

just my thoughts of the day.

oh and moms are right *proverbs 7 woman* elll ohhhh elll's

ty

dear ty:

i started blogging again.

thanks for sushi.

-sarah

oh no.

I locked the bathroom at Chris Evans' house... from the inside. I have no idea how.

I just know I can't open the door...

shoot.